Challenges

Conflict is natural and healthy in any relationship. Here are some productive ways to approach it.

• Try to choose the best time and place in a good mood.
• State that your intention is to better understand them.
• Take deep breaths and stay calm.
• Actively listen to the other person.
• Clarify their responses with phrases like: “I hear you saying…” followed by “did I get that right?”
• Validate their feelings even if you disagree on the facts.
• Focus on what you have in common or agree with.
• Speak from your experience.
• Use ‘I’ statements like “I feel…” rather then “you didn’t…”.
• Be specific and do not generalize, exaggerate, or stereotype them with groups of people.
• Take a break if things become heated.
• Ask for the assistance of a neutral party such a friend or therapist.

The vast majority of people are decent and have good intentions, but there are some who do not. Your gut instincts are usually a good place to start. Remember not to take their actions personally or assume they will change at your request.

• Lying: Some people tell big consequential lies that can be very damaging. Watch for small lies that are said for no reason and nicely address them when they occur. If you are met with a dismissive or resistant tone  assume this might be a pattern and plan accordingly.
• Gossiping:  people who do gossip may not be aware they are doing it. Politely address it in private by saying: “I notice that we sometimes mention things about others that would probably hurt their feelings , lets’ keep things constructive or positive about them. Would you be okay with that? “
• Narcissism: Approximately 15% of people have difficulty feeling  empathy for others despite often appearing warm and friendly. They often have desirable skills or personalities that make them fun or interesting to be around. It also makes it confusing or hard to leave when they start treating you badly. If you try to constructively address issues and are met with blame or accusations of overreacting (gaslighting) it may be time to set healthy emotional boundaries or end the relationship.

Avoiding distractions in a conversation can greatly enhance your communication and connection with others. Here are some strategies to help you stay focused and engaged.

• Choose a comfortable setting that it not too busy or noisy.
• Silence your phone.
• Maintain eye contact and use affirming body language like nodding.
• Ask questions and paraphrase their answers in your own words to reinforce understanding and retention.
• Avoid interrupting the speaker when they are talking.
• Notice if you mind is wandering and bring you attention back to the speaker.
• Notice if you feel drowsy, hungry, thirsty, irritable, or anxious and attend to your needs.

Experiencing rejection is unpleasant be can be and opportunity for personal growth and resilience. Here are some strategies to consider:

•  Be kind to yourself and avoid negative self talk.
•  Respect their decision not to engage, especially if they are upset.
• Consider rejection as a learning experience.
• Self reflect and if appropriate ask for feedback from others.
• Remember that not everyone is going to like you or want to talk and the reasons may have nothing to do with you personally.

Turning a negative conversation into a positive one requires a combination of empathy, communication skills, and a positive mindset.

• Stay calm and pause before you react.
• Acknowledge their feelings “I understand why you feel that way.”
• Listen without interrupting unless the speaker is switching subjects or talking excessively. At that point you can ask clarifying questions.
• If the conversation continues to stay negative you can inquire about what different solutions might look like.
•  If no solutions are offered you can try to change the subject with a phrase like “yeah it is a tough situation, what else is new with you?”
• Point out areas where you agree.
• Thank them for sharing.
• If emotions are high, suggest a brief pause. “Maybe we could take a short break and come back to this with fresh perspectives.”
• When sharing your opinion say “I understand this is important to you. May I offer a different perspective?”
• Try to bring it positive by saying “It sounds like this is really bothering you. Let’s see if we can find a solution together.”
• If you disagree with their position only offer your opinion if they ask or you have spent a fair bit of time respectfully understanding their position.

Being honest in conversation is essential for building trust and fostering genuine relationships. Here are some strategies to help you communicate honestly while maintaining respect and empathy.

• Start by asking questions that might get them to uncover your opions without you sharing them. “How do you feel about the situation” “Is there a way to think about the situation that would leave you feel empowered.”
• Ask if they are open to hearing your thoughts or perspectives before sharing.
• Remember that you opinions are not necessarily true, just true for you.
• Be open to changing your mind with new evidence.
• Share your opinions clearly rather than vague statements to ensure your message is understood.
• Frame your opinion with ‘I’ statements such as “I feel” or “I notice”.
• Consider how your message might be received.
• Stay constructive in your sharing.
• Choose the right time and place in private.
• Practice active listening and empathy.

Talking to someone experiencing grief or sadness requires sensitivity, empathy, and understanding. Here are some ideas to help you support them effectively:

• Choose a private setting.
• Be patient and allow them to fully express their feelings.
• Actively listen and validate their feelings.
• Ask open ended questions that reveal their feelings.
• Do not minimize their feelings by trying to cheer them up unless they are asking for you to do so.
• Offer your support and encourage professional help where appropriate.
• Respect their pace if they may not be ready to take action.
• Avoid giving unsolicited advice.
• Check in regularly.
• Be reliable and follow through on your commitments.
• Encourage small manageable steps that may help.
• Celebrate any efforts.
• If you are concerned you might say “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really down lately, and I’m concerned about you. Do you want to talk about it?”
• Take care of yourself and your emotional needs as well.